My mother….

My mother, Sumathy had a strong personality. She was the strongest person I ever met in life. Today, on her 7^th death anniversary I remember her with much respect.

I wasn’t as strong as her in my childhood. So I couldn’t understand her. Now I know that she had to make herself strong to become successful as a wife and mother of five children.

My mother lost her father when she was just 3 years old. She had 3 sisters and 2 brothers and she was the only girl who went to college from that joint family. She was a student of C M S College Kottayam. Her uncle’s were not in favor of her getting college education, but it was her will power that made her do so.

She was religious with great knowledge on Hindu scriptures. She had a firm will by which she made us follow a Hindu way of living. We found it difficult to follow many of her beliefs as we felt they were just superstitions. But as we grew older we found a meaning and explanation for all the rituals. Still I follow them and am very grateful to her for teaching them.

I think my mother’s strong personality was established by beliefs and convictions. She was very confident in herself. Her determined and confident words made us obey her. I never saw her sad or disappointed. She could handle any situation as she wished. Even though I was afraid of my mother and her disciplinary actions, I think I too managed to get as strong as her.

When she was diagnosed with cancer in its last stage, she accepted the fact very calmly and spent the rest of the days in her usual jolly manner.

Bali Tharpanam at Thirunnavaya Temple

The charming Mrs K P S Menon and chembaka poo….

I was just four or five years old. Valiammavan, the karanavar of the family told me we are having an important guest today, be a good girl and don’t go near the guests. I found grandma too busy that day.

Gopala Pillai our valiammavan was the karanavar from the earliest days of my memory till the joint family split and the property was partitioned among the members. It was when I grew older that I came to know more about him. He was a lawyer who never practiced. While he was a student in Madras Christian College, Mr. K P S Menon was his room mate and friend. This is mentioned in K P S Menon’s autobiography. He had great respect for Gopalachettan who was senior to him. But he didn’t appreciate Gopalachettan’s laziness and idle nature which is mentioned in the chapter ‘Madras’ in his autobiography.

A copy of all his books were sent to valiammavan with his signature.

Mr KPS Menon was serving as an Ambassador of India to Russia when he came to meet his old friend Gopalachettan. Valiammavan and his brother Pappachettan [everyone called him so] reigned the Poomukham and Padippura part of the house. There were chairs and easy chairs, tables and shelves full of books and cot and bed for their separate rooms. There was an attached bathroom too. The place was thoroughly cleaned on that day.

Valiammavan usually had only a small mundu as dress. On this day he wore a neat white shirt and new mundu. He had many white shirts in soft muslin fabric which he wore only on such occasions. Pappachettan was a Gandhian who wore only khadi. He too got ready to receive the reputed guests.

My grandma was the one who never had any rest. She too changed her dress. She was the symbol of purity. Her white dress, fair complexion, silver grey hair and ever smiling face had a charm of its own. She changed my frock and combed my hair.

Along with the hot vadas, chips and murukku, biscuits and cakes were bought from the bakery as per ammavan’s instructions.

There were no chairs or other furniture in the part of the house where women and children stayed. There were totally 4 or 5 cots in different rooms. The main hall which we called “thalam” was the one we all used. Gowri valliamma who had lost her eye sight was always present in one corner in the thalam. One of the wooden cot was for her. Another one was moved to the centre of the hall and wiped and cleaned.

Mrs Menon if she wished to meet the ladies of the house was to be seated there.

Before evening, Mr and Mrs Menon arrived and they were received and seated at Pappachettan’s room.

After a few minutes Mrs Menon got up and moved towards the hall. All women rushed to receive her. As she reached grandma, she kept a handful of something in grandma’s hands. Even though I was asked to keep away my curiosity made me peep into the hall. Mrs Menon noticed me and asked me to come and sit beside her. Then she took a flower from the handful of Chembaka flowers she had given to grandma and kept it on my hair.

All the time she talked to the ladies of the house, I admired her beauty. She was a charming lady. The chembaka poo still reminds me of her. She had one or two flowers on her hair. She had the complexion and fragrance of chembaka poo. She wore a soft silk saree in the color of a chembaka poo. She was the most gracious lady I met in my childhood, more than 50 years back.

My mother said Mrs Menon always had a chembaka flower on her hair. Coffee was prepared with great care and everything was served separately to both. When it was time to leave, Mr. Menon came outside the hall to talk to grandma. After they left, grandma kept the chembaka flowers in the wooden box where she used to keep her clothes. The fragrance of the flower always brings me back the memories of meeting a charming lady.

I’m not sure whether what I said is accurate but this is an episode of my childhood memory when the charming lady impressed me a lot. Even after so many years the mention of chembaka poo reminds me of Mrs KPS Menon…..

Birthday feasts…..

My grandmother had a super memory. She remembered everyone’s Birthday. As in most Hindu families, in our family too Birthdays were celebrated according to the nakshatra on Malayalam month. So it would not be the same English date every year. We have to refer the panchangam to find Birthdays.

The number of members were too many, still Ammoomma knew the Birthdays of three or more generations of our family. Almost every day was the birthday of someone in the family. I used to accompany my grandma to Thirunnakara Mahadevar Temple when a Thrimathuram and an Archana was performed on the birthdays. The days started religiously.

If the person is present in the house on that day, a feast would be made. That is the special occasion when one can sit at the head of the line just near Nilavilakku where sadya is first served for Ganapathy.

Everyone should enter the kitchen only after taking bath. Every dish was freshly made without tasting. As Ganapathy was to be served first, we couldn’t test the taste of the preparations. The sweet dish payasam, pappadam and a preparation with curds was a must for every birthday.

Grandma didn’t allow us to wear new clothes on birthdays. The best dress we had we could wear but it should have been washed atleast once. It was one of her beliefs that as new clothes are worn on a dead body it is inauspicious to wear on a birthday. I remember her toothless smile when she explained that to me..She knew she had many beliefs which would not be accepted by the next generations. But it is surprising that many of us who opposed to such beliefs in our young age are following what she taught us.

Everything is served on a plaintain leaf before the lighted lamp [Nilavilakku] kept on a seat made of wood. Water is sprinkled 3 times around this, with this we believe Ganapathy has accepted our offering and only after that anyone is allowed to start eating.

The birthday person has the next seat to Ganapathy in spite of his/her age, young or old. Everyone of us especially we children felt very special on our own birthdays. It was only on such days that we children were allowed to have lunch with elder men, [karanavars] of the family. Even then women were not allowed to sit there.

Grandma would instruct us not to say the word ‘enough’ when lunch was served on our birthday. She believed Brahma would be saying Thathasthu at that time and we would be denied enough food in the future. That is the only day she allowed us to leave a grain of rice or a piece of vegetable when we finish eating. Otherwise she would say Lakshmi can be in the rice you wasted so never waste food.

Morals were taught to us through stories or religious beliefs. I think that is the greatest wealth each member of Kizhakkedathu family possess and still inherit to the next generation.

On a dark rainy night..

As usual I started back from my mothers’ place so that I could reach home by evening. It was two days since I left home and had to stay as mother was very ill. I didn’t have the mind to leave her but the thought of my family made me rush back. My boys had to attend school and husband office. They were understanding and adjusting, but I couldn’t neglect them for too long.

My eyes filled when I thought of my plight. It was 3 hours journey by bus to mother’s place. Suddenly the bus had a jerk and came to a halt.. The driver announced that he will take only five minutes to repair it. After half an hour the bus started its journey. But bad things always come together..It started raining heavily and there was traffic jams, and the pathetic condition of the roads made things worse.

It was so dark outside and I looked at other passengers..I wished to see at least one familiar face among them. But there wasn’t any. All were cursing the weather and the heavy traffic. But none of them had any fear. I made plans of what to do when I got down at my place. There were no mobile phones in those days. I was young and I was not expected to travel alone at that time of night. I had to walk atleast 20 minutes to reach home. I planned to telephone my husband and wait inside some shop till he comes and picks me up.

When I reached the bus stop where I had to get down it was 9 O’clock, 3 hours later than expected. There was thunder and lightning with the heavy down pour. I had no umbrella. I was the only passenger to get down there..The conducter warned, “sister be careful.” To my utter dismay I found all the shops closed, there was power failure and the roads were flooding. I saw no human anywhere. I was trembling with fear, but decided to reach home somehow. I had no other option. The light from the passing vehicles helped me cross the road and enter the bylane to our house. Now I had to walk atleast 20 minutes. I started running. But my wet saree made my pace slower, I couldn’t walk.. ..

I fell on the road..The lightning was the only source of light..As I got up I saw a man following me .... That was the end..Pale with fear I knew I would die that night. As a last attempt, chanting prayers, pulling up my saree I started running. After a while I looked back and saw the man following.... I was horrified.
He could easily take my gold and kill me I feared.. I was still running, falling down, I knew I had no escape from this danger.. But that man was walking calmly behind me, keeping a distance. The nightmare ended when I somehow reached the gate, entered and looked back. The man smiled, waving to me he said, “Sister I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.” Then he turned back and disappeared in the dark..

I felt so ashamed of myself. Why did I think all bad things about that man who came to help me? Why are we so afraid of fellow human beings? There is still kindness and concern among humans.. The doubts and fear in us don’t allow us to trust strangers.

A quick Dinner

Menu

Curd Rice

Bhindi fry

Mango pickle

Curd Rice.

Freshly cooked or left over rice can be used. Take the cooked rice in a bowl, add enough salt and thick curds to it and mix well.

For the seasoning

2 tbs oil

Mustard seeds

Dry red chillies

Urad dhal

Chaa dhal

2 green chillies

A piece of ginger

Curry leaves

Heat oil in a pan add mustard seeds, urad dhal, and chana dhal and dry red chillies. When the seeds splutter, add finely cut green chillies, ginger and curry leaves. Add this to the rice and mix well.

Bhindi fry

Grind together 2 large onion, chilly powder, garam masala, ginger, and mix salt. Split the Bhindi lengthwise, fill them with the ground paste and shallow fry in low flame.

Quick Mango Pickle

Cut a raw mango into thin and small pieces. Heat oil in a frying pan, add mustard seeds, dry red chillies, Methi seeds, [uluva] and when the seeds splutter, add 3 tablespoon red chilli powder [for a mango] turmeric and asafetida powder. Add the mangoes into the pan and keep covered for a minute. Remove the pan from flame and add enough salt.

Add salt only in the end.

Coconut chutney

Grind together coconut scrapings, green chillies, a piece of ginger and salt. Mix a teaspoon of curds and season with mustard seeds, red chillies and curry leaves.