Gopala Pillai was Ammoomma's eldest brother and the Karanavar of the family. Gopalachettan ammavan was an advocate who never felt it necessary to go to the court or do any kind of work. Though their needs were very less both Ammavan and Pappachettan didn't find it necessary to contribute anything for the welfare of the family. So one could see them on their respective easy chairs all day and night. I don't know whether the women in the family tried to keep away from them out of respect, or fear. But I was very much afraid of them. As I grew older I felt they had an affection for all children, but they didn't know how to show it.
Gowrivalliamma was so helpless as she lost her eyesight. She needed help even to eat her food. Sometimes I would hold her plate while she had food, and help her to go to the bathroom. She was very silent and didn't trouble anyone. I had so much sympathy for her. Even now I can feel the touch of her wrinkled hands.
Ammoomma's two other brothers and one sister stayed with their family in other places where they were employed. Everyone used to visit the house some time or other, so the house was always filled with people. I got familiar with all my cousins too. There were always children playing, but I stayed aloof from them with my own reasons of insecurity. I would watch them playing. Ammoomma would compel me to go and play with them, but I knew I would be more safe with her.
The main thing that disturbed me in those days was my mother's attitude towards me. I would try to get some attention from her but she never cared. She always had an infant to look after. So from the day I can remember, I was a "Big Girl". She would never allow me to sleep with her on the cot, which hurt me a lot. Now I can understand the reasons but in those days I was too young to know all that. I felt my mother didn't love me. I tried to get her attention in many ways but nothing I did could please her. Instead I got more scolding than ever. Ammoomma would come to save me and she would ask her daughter to keep quiet. This brought me more closer to Ammoomma.

Everyone who enters the kitchen would draw atleast a few buckets of water from the well. Even then none of those large vessels would get filled. The menu was almost the same everyday, but a large quantity of food was to be prepared.

The men of the family, Ammoomma's two elder brothers stayed in another section of the house. They were never seen entering the main section where only women and children stayed. Even the well had an access from outside, and a male servant would be filling water in their bathroom. I loved watching this and would imagine when I grew big enough, I would fill those vessels atleast once. The buckets going down and hitting the water with a big splash and coming back filled with water was an amusement for me. One day I heard mother explaining to someone how a servant girl fell in the deep well. Pappachettan, Ammoomma's younger brother tied a chair on ropes and he went down in that chair and saved the girl. It was a real heroic act of Pappachettan. He was a chronic bachelor and a Gandhian. He wore only white khadi. He was always seen on his easy chair reading books. He knew carpentary and made a few tables and chairs. Another of his hobby was gardening. A portion of the frontyard was kept for his garden. Sometimes there would be a lot of roses with flowers, sometimes some other flowering plant. Whenever he gets angry at something, he would cut off all the plants. He would shout at Ammoomma and Paruamma too. So in a way I hated him. Many times I secretly wished he would fall into the well and die.. I was so dependent on Ammoomma, she was everything to me, that I started disliking anyone who annoyed her. Many a times I would stamp Paruamma with my small feet for her grumbling at Ammoomma.

Ammoomma would get up even before the sun rises. I too would walk slowly holding her dress, careful not to stamp on anyone sleeping on the floor. But she couldn't open the heavy wooden door without making the brrr sound. Then she would light an oil lamp towards the east and uttering her usual prayers move to the kitchen. Outside the kitchen Paru amma the servant would be sleeping. Ammoomma would open the kitchen door with as much sound as she can and Paru would get up with a jerk and start her day grumbling.

The kitchen was a dreadful place for me. It was always dark and there were many cockroaches. There was a wooden container with a sliding lid which was used to store salt. Every morning I see a cockroach coming out of it and Ammoomma would shout at Paru for not closing the lid properly.

The day started. The sound of drawing water from the well and sweeping the frontyard will wake up every member. I would sit on the large wooden box in the kitchen and watch others. Only when there is light outside I'll move from the sight of Ammoomma.

There were many children in the house. But I don't think anyone was so insecure and less confident as me.

The first ever memory of my life starts when I was around 4 years old. There were many people gathered in groups talking in low voice and I didn't know what was happening. Then I saw dear Mattemma, my grandmother's mother lying on the floor alone. Though I didn't understand death, I felt very sad. I still remember the song she taught me about the bird who lost her egg, searching for it, and the song described all the animal kingdom.

She was buried in the backyard and her cot remained empty. There were more people than the number of cots in the house. Mattemma had occupied the room on the ground floor of the double storied portion of the house. After her death, her cot too was brought to the hall where we all slept. Now there were 3 cots in the hall. One was permanently reserved for grandma's elder sister whom we called, Gowri valliamma. She lost her eye sight due to old age. Another cot was meant for Ammoomma. According to my observation she was the most unfortunate member of the family. But she was the most capable, loving and ever pleasant woman who held the family together. I have a whole story to write about her, which I will add later. Ammoomma's cot was always occupied by any member who was ill in the family. So she slept near me on the floor. There were a good number of children sleeping on the floor. The third cot had a mother with an infant. In my earliest memories, it was my mother with one of my younger 3 siblings.. On one side of the hall there was no wall but an iron grill. Mats were spread on the floor for us to sleep. We were all afraid of the dark.

I still wonder why there was so darkness everywhere. The bulbs gave such dim light, we couldn't see each other's face. Outside the house it was so dark and I feared that darkness so badly.

I remember that house, where I was born and spent my childhood. Though the main section is just a memory, other two sections of the Tharavadu is still maintained and renovated. Situated in the heart of Kottayam, named 'kizhakkedath' which means facing east. The house was home for 5 generations of people.
Two couples who migrated from Calicut during the attack of Tippu Sultan, found a home in that premises.
I belong to their fifth generation. I was born in that dark corner room of the main building, which was used as the family's labour room. Don't know how many infants were born there. But I remember my mother mentioning proudly that it was a lucky room for all women as there was not an infant death or deformed child born there. Eliamma was the all in all responsible for all safe births. She was a Christian midwife who came to help the lady in labour. Every child was touched by her as it came to the world, but ironically the family was so orthodox poor Eliamma was not allowed to enter any other room of the house.
This labour room on the western side was built higher than other rooms with an attached bathroom. The room was so dark with only an air hole on the top of the wall as ventilation. Before each delivery Ammoomma would disinfect the room with dettol and Paruamma would be helping her. My memories don't start with that room, but a large number of people gathered in the house. I was around 4 years old. Yes. I remember that day......