sad and lonely

Reaching home....





Oh God!! Where is my nest?



What went wrong????



Lost.......

Kudajadri

A visit to Mookambika is incomplete without climbing the Kudajadri hills. The moola sthana of Mookambika is on top of Kudajadri hills..

Unexplained ...

Certain things that happen in life make us bewildered for ever. We don't get an explanation and we just wonder how and why they happened. I can recollect a few such occasions in my life.

My mother's condition was getting worse as days passed. We knew she would not recover. Everyone who knew her came to see and all went back seeing her pleasant and confident face.

That morning I found my mother drowsy. She ate very little breakfast. But she asked for an early lunch. While I was feeding her, she fell asleep. She was in that state of semi consciousness for hours. Doctor was called in and we knew she was leaving us slowly....

All our dear and near ones visited. All sat beside her talked and showed their love for her but she did not respond. By evening her grandson Ramu [Arjun] came to see her from his college. It started raining heavily and the lights went off.

I made Ramu sit beside his grandma and I told her it was Ramu. He had held her hand. Then I saw her lips moving and she was whispering something.. She was repeatedly saying, "Neela Shanghupushpam". May be she wanted Ramu to give her that particular flower.

It was getting darker outside and I didn't know from where I could get a flower for her. It is a very common flower seen everywhere but at that time I didn't know where to get one.

I looked eveywhere around and saw a plaintain leaf in the pooja room with some flowers someone had brought from the temple in the morning. There were a few petals and flowers and I took them to mother's room.

I gave one flower to Ramu and asked him to place in her hand. He did so and to our surprise she moved her hand and threw the flower. Her eyes were closed and she recognized the flower by touch. Ramu and me tried the same twice more, but she didn't accept any of it. Still she was asking for a Neela Shanghupushpam".

I felt sad that I couldn't give her one and saying, "Krishna, where can I find a Neela Shanghupushpam", I once again searched the leaf containing the pooja flowers. Then I got the shock of my life, there was the flower which mother asked for, under the petal of a hibiscous flower. I rushed to the room gave it to Ramu and he placed it in her hand. She slowly folded her fingers and kept the flower tight in her hand.

Mother went into a coma and died on the third day. Mother was always fond of flowers and there were a good variety of plants in her garden but I don't understand what significance this flower had in her life.

I still can't find an answer how she recognized the flowers in that semi-conscious state. How that flower came from nowhere as I'm so sure that it was not there when I searched. But I'm grateful to whatever power that brought the flower to my vision as I could fulfill my mother's last simple wish.....

The Ghost……my cousins met..

After partition, everyone left the main house of the ancestral home. Grandma and her sister went to stay with her children. Her brothers too stayed with relatives. The whole ‘tharavad’ was left closed for many years. Some members repaired the portions they got and had tenants living in their houses.

My father too repaired and made an extension to the house mother got. During those days the main portion of the tharavad was rented to a Mr. Warriar and family. They were very nice people and all four children had one of us as classmate and friend. But the sad, sudden demise of Mr. Warriar was a great shock to the family and they left the house.

Mr. Warriar died of heart failure and as explained by my cousin Babu, he breathed his last lying on Babu’s lap. After the Warriar family, no one stayed in that part of the tharavad. It was a long way to reach the main gate from other houses in the same premises which belonged to our family. We had to cross the main portions of the tharavad to reach the gate. Though there was an entrance at the other end of the compound, all used this gate. During the day time it was the easy route but at night it was difficult with no lights.

It was sometime in 1974 Shankarankutty ammavan was staying in one of the houses at the back part of the tharavad. Warriar died in that year. After the death of Warriar, the tharavad was left almost abandoned.

Ammavan’s eldest daughter Girija’s marriage preparations were going on. So the elders decided to clean the main hall of the tharavad and store the grocery and do the previous day’s cooking there.

The previous day’s dinner was very important and all family members would be present. In those days all the food was prepared at home and it was great fun as all relatives were involved in the preparations. So after a long silence the tharavad premises got some life….Now I feel the spirits and ghosts sleeping were awakened by the laughter and jokes of the family.

The day before Girija’s marriage everyone gathered. It is always great fun when the cousins meet.. There were too many people in the house and no one noticed when the boys sneaked out….Soman, Rajan, Babu and Unni had gone out for a long time and it was late night when they returned.

Today when I think of the house premises I feel it looked like a small forest with so many trees. These boys closed the main gate and walked in the dark through the walkway. Then they saw a figure standing far ahead and couldn’t recognize who it was. They assumed that it was one among them and wondered how he reached there so fast.

Soman had a catapult with him so he aimed and threw a small stone at the figure assuming that the person standing in front was Rajan. As the stone hit, the figure disappeared. The boys were shocked to see Rajan standing just behind them.

The boys might have ran for their life and when they explained the whole thing, all came to the conclusion that it might have been Warriar’s ghost.

Many thought it might be a thief but most of us believed it was Warriar’s ghost. Even after all these years all four cousins remember clearly seeing the ghost.

VISHU

Keralam will celebrate Vishu on 15^th of April 2011. Vishu is celebrated on Medam 1^st Malayalam month. If Onam is a state festival for Kerala, Vishu is the most important religious festival of Hindus of Kerala.

The day starts at Brahma Muhurtham before sunrise with the Vishukani. The lady of the house will set the Vishukani the previous night when everyone is asleep. Kani is the first sight each one has on Vishu morning. All auspicious things of prosperity are kept before the Nilavilakku and Sree Krishna idol. The whole years’ prosperity is based on what one see at Brahma Muhoorath of that day.

Vishu kaineettam is given to all by the elders on that day. I remember my childhood days connected with Vishukaineettam. In a way we all awaited for this day to have a few coins. The charm of this day is connected with prosperity.

The golden shower tree is the state flower of Kerala. The flowers are of ritual importance in the Vishu festival of Kerala as without Konna poo the Vishukani is incomplete.

The Konna trees in full bloom during the month of April is a an eye catching sight. The flowers hang like golden bells and is believed to be the gold ornament that adorns Sri Krishna, by devotees.

The Hindus of Kerala still celebrate Vishu traditionally. Those who stay away from home too prepare the Vishukani with whatever possible things they get….

Vishukaineettam has not much importance now as children these days get enough pocket money always. In my childhood we got money only on this day. The karanavar of our family used to give 10paisa to children and 25 paisa to adults. It was a ritual that he gave kaineettam to every member of the household.

After the bath and wearing new clothes, we children would go to nearby houses where close relatives like mother’s sister stayed and would get Vishu kaineettam from them too. It was only my father who gave a one rupee coin. Usually mother would take back all the money in the promise of giving back. But we had to wait for it till next year….But those were the days when we had no use of money as we were not allowed to buy anything on our own.

Vishu ends with an elaborate feast and the whole celebration gives us a lot of happiness….

Kani kanum neram kamala nethrante

Niramerum manja thukil charthi

Kanaka kingini valakal mothiram

Aninju kanenam bhagavane

Narakauriyay aravindakshante

Cheriya nalathe kalikalum

Thirumey shobhayum thazhuki pookunnen

Aduthu va unni kani kanman

Malarvathil kanthan vasudevathmajan

Pularkale padi kuzhaloothi

Kelukelu ennu kilungum kanchana

Chilampittodiva kani kanman (kanikanum)

Shishukkalayalla saghimarum thanum

Pashukkale meychu nadakkumbol

Vishakkumbol venna kavarnnunnum krishna

Vashathu va unni kani kanan

Vaarya shreekade thukilum varikonda

Arayalin kombathirunnoro

Sheelakkedukal paranjum bharichum

Neela karvarna kanikanman

Ethire pokumbom arike vannoru

Puthumayayulla vachanangal

Madhuramam vannam paranjum pal

Mandasmithavum thooki va kanikanman

Kani kanum neram kamala nethrante

Niramerum manja thukil charthi

Kanaka kingini valakal mothiram

Aninju kanenam bhagavan

My mother….

My mother, Sumathy had a strong personality. She was the strongest person I ever met in life. Today, on her 7^th death anniversary I remember her with much respect.

I wasn’t as strong as her in my childhood. So I couldn’t understand her. Now I know that she had to make herself strong to become successful as a wife and mother of five children.

My mother lost her father when she was just 3 years old. She had 3 sisters and 2 brothers and she was the only girl who went to college from that joint family. She was a student of C M S College Kottayam. Her uncle’s were not in favor of her getting college education, but it was her will power that made her do so.

She was religious with great knowledge on Hindu scriptures. She had a firm will by which she made us follow a Hindu way of living. We found it difficult to follow many of her beliefs as we felt they were just superstitions. But as we grew older we found a meaning and explanation for all the rituals. Still I follow them and am very grateful to her for teaching them.

I think my mother’s strong personality was established by beliefs and convictions. She was very confident in herself. Her determined and confident words made us obey her. I never saw her sad or disappointed. She could handle any situation as she wished. Even though I was afraid of my mother and her disciplinary actions, I think I too managed to get as strong as her.

When she was diagnosed with cancer in its last stage, she accepted the fact very calmly and spent the rest of the days in her usual jolly manner.

Bali Tharpanam at Thirunnavaya Temple

The charming Mrs K P S Menon and chembaka poo….

I was just four or five years old. Valiammavan, the karanavar of the family told me we are having an important guest today, be a good girl and don’t go near the guests. I found grandma too busy that day.

Gopala Pillai our valiammavan was the karanavar from the earliest days of my memory till the joint family split and the property was partitioned among the members. It was when I grew older that I came to know more about him. He was a lawyer who never practiced. While he was a student in Madras Christian College, Mr. K P S Menon was his room mate and friend. This is mentioned in K P S Menon’s autobiography. He had great respect for Gopalachettan who was senior to him. But he didn’t appreciate Gopalachettan’s laziness and idle nature which is mentioned in the chapter ‘Madras’ in his autobiography.

A copy of all his books were sent to valiammavan with his signature.

Mr KPS Menon was serving as an Ambassador of India to Russia when he came to meet his old friend Gopalachettan. Valiammavan and his brother Pappachettan [everyone called him so] reigned the Poomukham and Padippura part of the house. There were chairs and easy chairs, tables and shelves full of books and cot and bed for their separate rooms. There was an attached bathroom too. The place was thoroughly cleaned on that day.

Valiammavan usually had only a small mundu as dress. On this day he wore a neat white shirt and new mundu. He had many white shirts in soft muslin fabric which he wore only on such occasions. Pappachettan was a Gandhian who wore only khadi. He too got ready to receive the reputed guests.

My grandma was the one who never had any rest. She too changed her dress. She was the symbol of purity. Her white dress, fair complexion, silver grey hair and ever smiling face had a charm of its own. She changed my frock and combed my hair.

Along with the hot vadas, chips and murukku, biscuits and cakes were bought from the bakery as per ammavan’s instructions.

There were no chairs or other furniture in the part of the house where women and children stayed. There were totally 4 or 5 cots in different rooms. The main hall which we called “thalam” was the one we all used. Gowri valliamma who had lost her eye sight was always present in one corner in the thalam. One of the wooden cot was for her. Another one was moved to the centre of the hall and wiped and cleaned.

Mrs Menon if she wished to meet the ladies of the house was to be seated there.

Before evening, Mr and Mrs Menon arrived and they were received and seated at Pappachettan’s room.

After a few minutes Mrs Menon got up and moved towards the hall. All women rushed to receive her. As she reached grandma, she kept a handful of something in grandma’s hands. Even though I was asked to keep away my curiosity made me peep into the hall. Mrs Menon noticed me and asked me to come and sit beside her. Then she took a flower from the handful of Chembaka flowers she had given to grandma and kept it on my hair.

All the time she talked to the ladies of the house, I admired her beauty. She was a charming lady. The chembaka poo still reminds me of her. She had one or two flowers on her hair. She had the complexion and fragrance of chembaka poo. She wore a soft silk saree in the color of a chembaka poo. She was the most gracious lady I met in my childhood, more than 50 years back.

My mother said Mrs Menon always had a chembaka flower on her hair. Coffee was prepared with great care and everything was served separately to both. When it was time to leave, Mr. Menon came outside the hall to talk to grandma. After they left, grandma kept the chembaka flowers in the wooden box where she used to keep her clothes. The fragrance of the flower always brings me back the memories of meeting a charming lady.

I’m not sure whether what I said is accurate but this is an episode of my childhood memory when the charming lady impressed me a lot. Even after so many years the mention of chembaka poo reminds me of Mrs KPS Menon…..